Trip proposal. The Father spoke softly, “I have an adventure for you. Come with me.”

Three weeks later, 10,000 kilometers in the rearview mirror, and I was standing in the land that was ground zero for the war over the human heart. To say it was surreal is to put it mildly. But I need to back up.

Growing up as the oldest in a single-parent home doesn’t do much to foster and encourage your dreams. My own broken relationship with my dad has always made it difficult to relate to my Heavenly Father. Sometimes I can hear Jesus speaking and it’s beautiful talking with him, but there’s always been a blank when it comes to relating with the Father.

I gave my life to Jesus when I was very young, around age 5 or 6. I still remember the day I prayed the prayer and the peace that settled over me. My parents separated when I was in my teens. The church did not reflect the Lord to us during those times. After years of trying to find a community that followed Jesus and only finding enervated cultural Christianity, I gave up and walked away from the body of Christ. I held to my faith but it was the start of a wilderness journey. A consequence of this is I didn’t have an opportunity to be baptized. Flash forward 20 years.

The desire to be baptized started growing in me several years ago. I did not belong to a church community and I still felt an internal resistance to finding one. One of my prayers every night became, “Lord, please provide a time and place for me to be baptized. I really want to do this.” Several conversations with Jesus had removed the anxiety I felt about running out of time.

An unexpected email, the Father’s joy-filled invitation, events miraculously lining up, and three weeks later I was on my way to Israel with the group from the Daily Audio Bible. Their goal for these trips is to make the land of the Bible come alive and boy, did it ever. I cannot speak highly enough of the hard work and heart the Daily Audio Bible crew puts into their pilgrimages. Feeling the vastness of the wilderness, seeing the waves on the Sea of Galilee, standing in a life-size replica of the tabernacle, sitting on the steps upon which Jesus had so many clashes with the religious leaders ... the details in the Bible make so much more sense when you are standing there. It was incredible.

One of the planned stops on the trip is a baptism in the Jordan River. It came after several days in the southern wilderness of Israel (the parallels to my own story weren’t lost on me). February is the rainy season in Israel and winter storm Barbara had just dumped much-needed water on the country. The Jordan was higher than normal, flowing faster than usual, and very cold. As it was my turn to step into the river, I remember thinking, “The Father brought me halfway around the world and cleared every obstacle so that I can be baptized in the Jordan River ... All that’s left for me to do is take these last few steps.” It occurred to me later that this was the very river where he declared His love for His Son to the world.

Being immersed in the Jordan was frigid and beautiful and overwhelming. His love was overwhelming. More than once during the trip, I found myself saying, “It’s too much, Father. How can you give this much?” It’s something I’ll never forget. If I ever have any doubts of His love for me or feel abandoned, He’s given me the ultimate counterpoint.

The land was beautiful in both its lushness and starkness. The barbed wire and fences and fields of land mines reminded me that we live in a world at war. The Father’s heart is good though. Scandalous and extravagant in what He wants to give us.

I wasn’t sure what it would be like hanging out with a large group of Christians again but I was met with so much curiosity and kindness and acceptance about my story. So many people showed courage in sharing their own struggles and it was clear how deeply God was working in their lives through this trip too. It was such an honor to witness it. I could feel the internal resistance in me start to give way and I have no doubt that it’s time for me to leave the wilderness.

Author’s Note: A heartfelt thanks to And Sons, the Daily Audio Bible, Yosher Tours, Sar-El Tours and everyone I traveled with for making it such a special journey.